The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women
And Men: Why Capable People Suffer from Impostor Syndrome and How to Thrive In Spite of It
(Sprache: Englisch)
Learn to take ownership of your success, overcome self-doubt, and banish the thought patterns that undermine your ability to feel and act as bright and capable as others already know you are with this award-winning book by Valerie...
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Learn to take ownership of your success, overcome self-doubt, and banish the thought patterns that undermine your ability to feel and act as bright and capable as others already know you are with this award-winning book by Valerie Young. It s only because they like me. I was in the right place at the right time. I just work harder than the others. I don t deserve this. It s just a matter of time before I am found out. Someone must have made a terrible mistake.
If you are a working woman, chances are this internal monologue sounds all too familiar. And you re not alone. From the high-achieving Ph.D. candidate convinced she s only been admitted to the program because of a clerical error to the senior executive who worries others will find out she s in way over her head, a shocking number of accomplished women in all career paths and at every level feel as though they are faking it impostors in their own lives and careers.
While the impostor syndrome is not unique to women, women are more apt to agonize over tiny mistakes, see even constructive criticism as evidence of their shortcomings, and chalk up their accomplishments to luck rather than skill. They often unconsciously overcompensate with crippling perfectionism, overpreparation, maintaining a lower profile, withholding their talents and opinions, or never finishing important projects. When they do succeed, they think, Phew, I fooled em again.
An internationally known speaker, Valerie Young has devoted her career to understanding women s most deeply held beliefs about themselves and their success. In her decades of in-the-trenches research, she has uncovered the often surprising reasons why so many accomplished women experience this crushing self-doubt.
In The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women, Young gives these women the solution they have been seeking. Combining insightful analysis with effective advice and anecdotes, she explains
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what the impostor syndrome is, why fraud fears are more common in women, and how you can recognize the way it manifests in your life.
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The Perfectionist s View of CompetenceFor the Perfectionist, there is a single focus, and that is how something is done. Your competence rule book is quite straightforward. I should deliver an unblemished performance 100 percent of the time. Every aspect of my work must be exemplary. Nothing short of perfect is acceptable. When you fail to measure up to these unrealistically high standards, it only confirms your feelings of impostorism.
Some Perfectionists hold only themselves to these exacting standards, while others impose them on other people. At home the latter might sound like this: No, honey, that s not how you fold a towel this is how you fold a towel. There is a right and wrong way to do everything, from packing the car for vacation to preparing a project plan. Since no one can measure up to your precise standards, your motto is If you want something done right, you ve got to do it yourself. When you do delegate, you are often frustrated and disappointed at the results.
To be clear, perfectionism is not the same as a healthy drive to excel. You can seek excellence without demanding perfection. More important, non-Perfectionists will attempt difficult challenges and feel okay about themselves afterward whether they succeed or not. And they re flexible enough to redefine success as the situation warrants. That s not to say they aren t disappointed if they fail. But as long as they gave it their best shot there is no shame. Not so for the Perfectionist.
Indeed, for you just the opposite occurs. Quality-wise, Perfectionists always go for the gold, the A+, the top spot. Anything less and you subject yourself to harsh inner criticism, often experiencing deep shame at your perceived failure. Precisely because there is such shame in failing, you may avoid altogether attempting anything new or difficult. After all, getting things right takes a lot of effort, energy, and aggravation. It s much easier not to even try than to put
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yourself through those paces and risk the humiliation of coming up short.
Even if you are extremely motivated, success is rarely satisfying because you always believe you could have done even better. You get into a good school but are disappointed because you could have gotten into a better one. You deliver a top-notch presentation but kick yourself for not remembering to make some minor point. You broker a major transaction only to wonder if you could have struck an even better deal.
Perfectionism is a hard habit to break because it s self-reinforcing. Because you do overprepare, you often turn out a stellar performance, which in turn reinforces your drive to maintain that perfect record. But it s a huge setup. Because when you expect yourself and your work to always be perfect, it s a matter not of if you will be disappointed but when.
Perfectionism is not a quest for the best. It is a pursuit of the worst in ourselves, the part that tells us that nothing we do will ever be good enough that we should try again. Julia Cameron, author, poet, playwright, and filmmaker
Competence Reframes for the Perfectionist
What you consider to be merely satisfactory work probably far exceeds what s actually required. That s why it is so important to reframe your current thinking about things like quality and standards. I spent twenty-five years working with people who aspired to be their own boss. As a rule, the women were far more likely to wait for everything to be perfect before they d launch. They d endlessly tinker and tweak and adjust, making sure everything was just so, but they never began. In the end these high-minded notions of quality standard
Even if you are extremely motivated, success is rarely satisfying because you always believe you could have done even better. You get into a good school but are disappointed because you could have gotten into a better one. You deliver a top-notch presentation but kick yourself for not remembering to make some minor point. You broker a major transaction only to wonder if you could have struck an even better deal.
Perfectionism is a hard habit to break because it s self-reinforcing. Because you do overprepare, you often turn out a stellar performance, which in turn reinforces your drive to maintain that perfect record. But it s a huge setup. Because when you expect yourself and your work to always be perfect, it s a matter not of if you will be disappointed but when.
Perfectionism is not a quest for the best. It is a pursuit of the worst in ourselves, the part that tells us that nothing we do will ever be good enough that we should try again. Julia Cameron, author, poet, playwright, and filmmaker
Competence Reframes for the Perfectionist
What you consider to be merely satisfactory work probably far exceeds what s actually required. That s why it is so important to reframe your current thinking about things like quality and standards. I spent twenty-five years working with people who aspired to be their own boss. As a rule, the women were far more likely to wait for everything to be perfect before they d launch. They d endlessly tinker and tweak and adjust, making sure everything was just so, but they never began. In the end these high-minded notions of quality standard
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Autoren-Porträt von Valerie Young
Valerie Young is co-founder of Impostor Syndrome Institute. An internationally recognized expert for four decades, she has delivered her Rethinking Impostor Syndrome program to over half a million people at such diverse organizations as Pfizer, Google, NASA, Harvard, Stanford, and Oxford. Young earned her doctoral degree from the University of Massachusetts, Amherst, where she helped found the Social Justice Education program, a forerunner to today s DE&I training. Although her early research focused on professional women over half of whom were women of color much of the original findings have proven applicable to anyone with impostor feelings. Her book has been reprinted in five languages.
Bibliographische Angaben
- Autor: Valerie Young
- 2011, 304 Seiten, Maße: 16,2 x 24,3 cm, Gebunden, Englisch
- Verlag: Penguin Random House
- ISBN-10: 0307452719
- ISBN-13: 9780307452719
- Erscheinungsdatum: 06.02.2020
Sprache:
Englisch
Pressezitat
[Valerie] Young s extremely perceptive and action-oriented solutions shine. . . . A can t-miss primer for businesswomen everywhere. Publishers Weekly (starred review)The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women examines a common affliction and offers tools, insight, scientific evidence, and numerous examples that aim to banish the impostor for good. Valerie Young s diligence, passion for the subject, and belief that anyone can overcome feelings of inadequacy, duplicity, and unworthiness rings loudly throughout The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women. New York Journal of Books
Dr. Young is a mapmaker. She inspires us to go for it by providing guidelines to make success a choice based on our values rather than on our fear of incompetence. This book is a gift to the millions who want to replace fear and suffering with excitement and joy in their achievements. I am recommending it to all my clients and students who suffer with impostor feelings. Suzanne Imes, Ph.D., co-coiner of the impostor phenomenon
Valerie Young s book, The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women, provides important insights into the impostor experience of very competent women. She provides important knowledge that can help women begin to truly appreciate and acclaim their success. Pauline Rose Clance, Ph.D., ABPP, co-coiner of the impostor phenomenon
Self-doubt is common, but when it impedes you from attaining your goals, it s time to take action. This book shows you how to move beyond feeling like an impostor so that you can achieve your full personal and professional potential. Lois P. Frankel, Ph.D., author of Nice Girls Just Don t Get It and Nice Girls Don t Get the Corner Office
The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women is as important as The Feminine Mystique. Quite simply, if you are a woman or love one this book belongs in your library. Barbara J. Winter, author of Making a Living Without a Job
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